November 14th, 2022 – 4:12pm – Haifa Hostel, Haifa, Israel:

Today, before my Hebrew class, a girl from my class who is from Greece said, “Oh I have something for you.” And she reached into her backpack… and as she did this I thought, “What could she possibly give me?” We don’t know each other or have ever said more than basic hellos to each other. She pulled from her back a small booklet entitled: “In The Footsteps Of The Bible Maps”. Mmmmm…. Have you ever had something happen and you’re very sure it’s another clue in a great mystery. I said a thank you and tucked the booklet into my backpack. What does this mean? What is it for?

I came to Israel to learn Hebrew. Israel was the destination and Hebrew class the direction God gave me. I have since been listening and hearing to whatever God would say to me while I’m here in Israel. And nothing it as I thought it would be or what I was expecting. My world is upended daily. It’s as if I’m being carried along down a river, and I don’t know where this river leads or even why I am in that river. All I know is that God has a plan and a purpose for me being here at this moment in time.

There are days where I wonder if I’m succeeding or failing in my calling. And it’s been in these days that God really slams me with the fact that my calling and purpose is not something I can succeed or fail at. How do I explain this easily?

I am who I am in Him. And I am doing what I was created to do. This is my purpose. God is leading and He knows the path ahead. It is my job to simply follow Him wherever He leads me. Trusting Him to guide and provide, as I know (by experience) that He will. Some days I think it would be nice to have a definable path ahead with which to share with those who ask… but all I have to say is that God is carrying me along and it’s out of my hands at this point.

As an American, being brought up in the culture of the United States… success and failure are everything to people. Money, job, career, etc are pushed and emphasized above all else. I feel that in every way in every day.

But I firmly reject it for what it is… sin. Self is sin. Always. Independence is sin. Period. There is no way around this very clear truth… and it cuts to the heart of my very own culture. We were created to be dependent on God and our relationship with Him. We were never meant to live on our own.

And self-righteousness is a deadly sin. Jesus is the savior and it is ONLY by what He did on the cross that we will enter eternity with God. By faith we live now… before Him in these broken vessels… completely dependent on Him for everything. It has taken me 4 1/2 years to learn these basic lessons of my faith and I am still learning them.

In everything daily I am confronted in my relationship with God with the choice of my way or His way. Not in any way is it a good/bad or success/failure thing… no… it’s about the relationship. I can choose His way, which is always the best and highest for me and leads me to life. Or I can choose my way which always, ALWAYS leads to death. More often than not I choose my own way and I have to face the consequences of that choice… and worse still I have to hear the heartbreak in His voice. And man, to hear the pain in His voice when I choose my own way kills me. I think to myself how lucky others are who cannot hear Him. But always His compassion comes and His forgiveness flows. And from the cross comes the grace for me to keep moving forward with Him day by day.

Along the same lines… I am struggling to understand this truth… I cannot invalidate my calling. How is this possible? Even after all the years of running from Him and trying to do everything to be free of the calling… I cannot be rid of it. He will not let me go.

So this is what I know… before I was born… He chose me, sealed my forehead with His seal, planned all my days, and set in motion all the things that would lead me thought my journey with Him. I feel the forward flow of my life increasing day by day… I feel the power of the Holy Spirit carrying me forward to my destiny whatever that is. I cannot stop it. I was given a choice as well… but I chose Him… which He knew I would. He knows that I trust Him. And He trusts that when He asks me to do something I will do it. This is our relationship… and that relationship is growing daily, deeper and deeper.

There is coming a day when I will explode with all He has been pouring into me. I sense this with every fiber of my being. When my time comes! For now I am here.