November 29th, 2022 – 11:45am – Haifa Hostel, Haifa, Israel:

For four and half years God has spoken to me about Obscurity. Before that time I had only hear the word a few times. Obscurity. The word feels ominous and scary to me. It has a darkness to it and a kind of pain wrapped around it. But as the years have passed as I’ve travel this planet with God and He has slowly been teaching me about Obscurity… I have come to slowly be more and more open to its full meaning.

It’s impossible to explain it to others I imagine but I will try here… as I have tried before…

When I was driving around the USA in my car two and half times alone without any contact with friends or family… just me and God… it was incredibly difficult and very lonely. And about the second time I circled the country… one night as I curled up to sleep in the back of my car… Jesus asked me this question, “Are you willing to be unknown so that I can be known?”

He was asking me if I was willing to enter into obscurity so that He could do the work He needed to do in me that can only be done in the confines and context of obscurity on this earth.

You see… when we as humans are connected to others… they influence us… and we influence them. Not doing this is impossible. It is how we function as human beings made for communities. So… why Obscurity if God made us to be social creatures… placed in families, placed in communities?

Obscurity… means to step away from all that makes us human and to step into something deeper. It removes from us all the performance for others and the show boating and the influences of those we cherish. And it is… I can say… quit impossible.

But… I am called to enter into Obscurity.

I have many times put my foot in the deep pools of obscurity and then promptly pulled it out again as the pain from the separations was so intense. I have had long seasons of solitude… being disconnected from those I love… but those seasons were brief.

God is calling me into something far deeper than simply solitude… to literally enter and live in Obscurity for a long period of my life… the place where it is just Him and me.

Over the years He has been breaking off of my life all the cords that binds us as humans… bind us into community… long before I even began this four and half year journey He started this process in me… even back as far as my childhood.

And I am terrified of it. The brief glimpses of it that I have had have been extremely painful emotionally and confusing and counter-culture.

But can’t God do what He wants to do in my life with people in my life?

Yes… but it is not His perfect plan for me. I have wrestled with Him about this for years now. Fighting with all my might to stay above those deep waters.

Why Obscurity?

Well I don’t know the mind of God that’s for sure and I don’t fully understand it all myself… I am mostly going on faith. Obscurity is the place where I can fully engage with the Lord. It is the place that I can best disconnect from this earth and step into that other place with which to bring down what He would want to truly speak through me to those in this world. The very definition of a prophet… of a seer.

He has been gracious and patient with me as He has guided me these past years deeper and deeper into His presence. Past my securities and past my fears and past my dreams and past my desires and past my failures and past my sins… past all that has held me back.

About 6 months ago I was in my house in Redding, CA… I had everything I could have ever wanted. A completely furnished house, a paid off car, etc. Everything. And as I sat on my couch one morning God asked me a simple question as I looked around at all He had given me, “Is this what you want?”

“Is this what you want?”… I had to think about it. I know what He was asking… He had given me everything I could ever want in this world out of His great love for me… but it wasn’t His plan for my life. He had other plans. And so I answered, “No this isn’t what I want. I want to do your will.” And with that He asked me to give it all away.

Four months later I was in a plane to Israel with only a backpack and some cash to my name. I had given away EVERYTHING for the second time in four years… and set out on the path He had for me.

You see this does play into Obscurity. For two and half months now God has provided for me. People have given to what God is doing in my life… and God has provided in a million other ways as well… as you can read in this blog and in my books.

And here I lay in a hostel in Haifa wrestling with God again about what I know He is leading me to do next.

How does this play into obscurity?… Because I can’t do what God is calling me to do with people in my life… the connections are too strong to allow me the full freedom God wants me to walk in.

Think about it… every single person.. my mom, my spiritual parents, my siblings, my dear friends…. All of them have a pull of my life. I cannot walk boldly forward because I am always looking backward.

I have tried a million times to explain this to my family and my friends and failed at it a million times. I imagine I will fail once again now.

But what I have learned is that I want to obey God and His leading in my life. That is where my heart is at. It is where I must walk. It is the only path that makes any kind of eternal difference to my friends and my family.

I have a lot of fears. I don’t understand… fear that I will be considered crazy or unstable… and so many other fears. But serving God doesn’t make earthly sense. Just look at how He has lead me these past four and half years! All over the place… and if you weren’t me I can’t imagine what my life has looked like on the outside. But one thing I do know… I am not the man that I was when God wrapped His arms around me and said, “Listen and obey.” And then I did that. And here I am.

There is this desperate cry that goes out of my heart when I think of what comes next for me in my journey. The goodbyes I have feared for four and half years… the one I have fought tooth and nail to prevent.

If I’m honest this time in Israel has broken me on so many levels. Well really since I said that Yes in Redding to God, He has stripped away much of what I loved. Only He remains. I long to just “go home” but even that brings so much pain to my heart… I think, “I want to go home but don’t have a home to go home to and I can’t go home to heaven yet.” It has been one of my deepest pains my whole life… that longing for home, for safety and for security. I have longed for the “normal” life that I see others living around me. For the wife and for the kids and for the career. But these things have only stayed in my life for moments… but now…

I look back at these past four and half years and I think of all the people that God has taken me to… to those He has lead me to talk with around the globe. I think of the “ones” along the way and I think the price of everything is worth it.

Save your life, lose it. Lose it for Him and gain it.

I must follow God to see where He will lead me and to do this I have to enter into Obscurity fully for a time. Being unknown…

I have never been very good at goodbyes. I hate them. I have to say goodbye daily to people that I have come to love so deeply.

I also worry that without my connections to people if God will be able to continue to provide for me. But this of course is foolish. Even if I knew no one He would still provide. But this also I have to experience myself so that my faith and trust in Him grows.

I have to die… so that I can truly live. I have to do what my savior did and take up my cross, the one He has chosen for me, and follow Him where ever and how ever He leads.

I will continue with the blog… as long as He allows me to do so. But I will not be in contact anymore for a time… as long as He requires it. I have to set my face like flint on the path He has laid out for me… which means disconnecting.

I can already see the clouds forming. I hear the sound of a mighty rain. The wind is beginning to blow. God is calling me to Himself. To dive into the deep. To GO… wherever He leads. To talk to the one for the One. To love those He puts in my path and to speak to them of the One who loves them so much that He gave everything.

I do not need to tell you mom how much I love you. I do not need to say anything because you’ve always known what’s going on with me. Soon we will spend eternity together, just a little while longer now. I love you with all my heart. May the God who I stand before bless you with His mighty hand and draw you always to Himself.

To my brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts, all my love always! May God redeem all the time we didn’t have in eternity. And May God bless you all abundantly forever and ever.

To My spiritual parents and those at the Farm… all my deepest love goes out to you all. You are my family. Thank you for welcoming this prophet into your lives and allowing me to be who God created me to be. May the God who I stand before bless you all with His mighty hand on my behalf.

If God brings you to my mind I will always ask Him to bless you all as I move forward into this next season. And if you think of me please pray for me. If you feel lead to support me financially you can do so through GoFundMe or ModernDay.

Until that day! Let’s all Know Him And Make Him Known.