December 11th, 2022 – 1:53pm – Haifa Hostel, Haifa, Israel:

The thing that has continually surprised me about walking this journey listening and obeying God is that He has continually lead me into situations where He asks me to die to myself and my own desires. To places where I cannot at all stand on my own. To places where I have to trust Him for everything. To places where my very soul is put on display and every dark place in me is exposed. To places where I am broken down and suffering abounds. To places where my pride is fully on display and fully humbled. It has been a gentle but brutal journey. Each leg more difficult than the last and each new season exposes deeper parts of my heart or hearts. And I realize more and more the amazing and wonderful gift Jesus gave for me when He died on the cross for all my sins. And I worship more and more from the deep places in me the God who did what I could never do to restore me to relationship with Him.

Today… I am humbled, broken, bleeding within. The journey behind and the journey ahead still a vast mystery to me. And I pray, I pray that God is seen and I am hidden.

What does tomorrow bring? That is not in my hands. I cannot work here in Israel. I have -$0.50. In my bank account. I am truly dependent of God’s provision for my future. How humbling this is for this independent American! When people here ask me when I will go, or how long I will stay all I can say is, “That is not up to me.” And I remind myself, “Greater love has no man than this that he give up his life for his friends.” And I quote to myself, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” And still yet… “If you try to save your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life for My sake you will find it.”

Meekness is formed in the fires of suffering, but in those fires are His hands gentle molding this lump of clay day after day to be what He always planned it to be.