December 19th, 2022 – 9:45pm – Ben Gurion International Airport, Israel:

Today was a day of goodbyes… difficult goodbyes… emotional goodbyes… tearful goodbyes.

I wanted to skip today… vanish into the early morning and just run. But I stayed… faced those I had come to call friends here. The morning began with going back up to the University of Haifa to see those who wanted to say goodbye, friends I had made along the way and those from my Hebrew class. I would list their names, but someone that, for me, would cheapen what they meant to me. Each one I am grateful for the moments we shared. When I left the university I was tired… weary.

I took a short nap… showered… packed my things… and sat with my friends from the hostel for a bit before heading to the train station.

If only I could run away far from any human and take time to just breathe and cry and let all the pain wash out of my heart. Exhaustion has a unique way of making everything overwhelming.

My family is excited to see me over Christmas… everyone is always excited to see me… but love is always heavy for me. His love… their love… to love. Such a ginormous weight. Love costs. It always does.

Sitting here… alone… at a table… my first flight isn’t for another 14 hours… and I’m glad for the time alone. I won’t sleep much… but how is that any different from the past two and half months.

The look on the faces of each of my friends as they said goodbye… kills me. They’re hugs that said, “Don’t go.” Kills me. What did I do to be so loved?

But I’ll always go won’t I? Because there will always be people out there who need to be loved.

I guess for now I can let these heavy tears fall. I can ask God to protect and care for those I leave behind. Love costs.

Did you know that God gave me an amazing photographic memory? Did you know that I can replay almost my entire life as if it were a movie playing before my eyes? Every good moment and every bad… seared into my mind…

So you can count on one thing… I will never forget you. I remember every moment we shared. I carry them with me… and I treasure them.

I am blessed. Favored. Loved. Yes.

I have a theory… people love God in me… shining brightly out of this broken vessel with His all consuming love. He loves me with such an intensity… such a caring, nurturing love. And that just pours out to those I meet… granted not always… but it does. Imperfectly.

So, I say goodbye to Israel again… for the second time. I say goodbye to those I’ve met along this leg of my journey and I wish them all the very best.

Time to turn my face toward what God has for me next… to far off places and the people I’ll meet along the way.