This morning I had a long talk with God about my life and about my journey. we talked about my identity… who I am. Where He has brought me from and where He is taking me. He said a lot of things that really brought me back to Him… in a profound sense I am tired and weary from this journey. For over five years I have traveled this journey with Him near nonstop… it has taken a brutal toll on me and I am in desperate need of a break.

God reminded me that this book series does not define me. It is not “who I am”. He defines who I am… not any work I do or could ever do. I think I barely understand what He was trying to get across to me.

What stood out of what He said to me most is this: “You are my son and I chose you for myself. That is enough.”

What I do or do not do really doesn’t matter. Let me qualify that a bit for you to understand what I’m trying to say. Remember the verse that says all the issues of life flow out from the heart? Let me find it for you to read:

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.” – Proverbs 4:23 AMP

All that we do in this life flows outward from our hearts… from our identities.

All of the attacks against my life from the enemy have been against my identity… against my heart.

Whether sin or ministry (my good works on this earth for God) both flow outward from my heart. If I identify and define myself by either of these things it throws my whole life off balance and away from the true purpose of my life. I begin to work or fight in my own strength and I always fail in my own strength. Always.

What you may not know about me is that I am weak… very weak. Physically, mentally, emotionally weak. Sure I try to put up a strong front for the world around me… but inside I can barely hold myself together most days. I’m still a child inside longing just to belong and be loved.

When God broke into my life and called me to Himself… I thought He had the singular motive of using me to do mighty things on this earth to bring Him glory. But His motive was never that.

Words are failing me this morning. I’ll weakly try to say what I’m trying to say… and hope the Holy Spirit can get it across to you…

God chose me for Himself before I was born. He handcrafted all the parts of me for His own good pleasure and joy. I belong to Him. I am His. He loves me for who He created me to be. He said it best awhile back and somehow I missed the core message He was trying to get across when He told me, “If you never did anything for me again you would still have all I have given you and will give you.”

I have a really hard time believing that God enjoys hanging out with me. Mostly I believe that most people don’t enjoy hanging out with me… mostly because I’ve failed them in some way.

I need a return to God. To just being with Him. And when it’s time again… the words will flow out as they have before.

I’m going to spend some time just being with my Father… in this quiet place. The work can wait… somehow I am realizing that they really aren’t important… what’s most important is just to sit at His feet and listen to Him speak. And if that’s all I ever do again it will be perfectly ok with Him.

Just the thought of this brings life back to my weary soul.

Until that day…