We run from loneliness with everything in us, but loneliness is meant to drive us to God. Loneliness isn’t felt because we are alone as we’ve been taught… and so the word we use for what we feel isn’t correct but a lie that has been propagated down through the ages. The correct word we should use for the feeling we are feeling is emptiness. That hollow feeling, that hole in our souls that’s longing to be filled, is the space in us that can only be filled with God’s love and presence. We try to fill our loneliness, our emptiness, with literally everything else on this planet but God… the One who can actually fill that emptiness to overflowing.

We are hellbent on rebellion against God. That is our nature since the fall. Our will and our way. That is sin. I will ascend and make my throne like God’s throne. We call it natural, individuality, self-reliance, and a host of other words to explain away our sin. But sin it remains. No where in the Word of God does it speak about man being able to function apart from God… we were made for God. He is the atmosphere that we were made to have our being in. We have our being in Him and apart from Him we are quite literally nothing and no one. Harsh words to be sure but they are true.

We have a choice between eternal emptiness or eternal fulfillment. That is the choice between Jesus Christ and our own way.

I have faced such deep loneliness, emptiness, along this journey with God. Time and time again He has asked me to let go of every possession and let go of every person in my life. I have obeyed and given Him everything and everyone over and over again and each time I have filled myself up again with things and people… but all along God has been trying to show me something important… something vital… something that I couldn’t see or understand before.

Listen again to the important things Jesus has said to me throughout this journey He has me on with Him:

“This is finished. Listen and obey.”

“I want you to give everything away.”

“Are you willing to be unknown so that I can be known?”

“If you choose to obey me and go, you will not see your family or friends again.”

“You must become unknown even unto yourself.”

“Loneliness is an invitation to die.”

All along He has been teaching me that He is the only thing that can fill that emptiness, the loneliness, inside me. This is a lesson not just for me but for everyone. The journey has been written down in 50 books so far… why? For you and for others. These books are the witness to my death.

Ahead of me is more loneliness, more emptiness. Ahead of me is more solitude and more obscurity. Ahead of me is the paths that few ever tread… the narrow paths of obedience to God. For me my journey must be so… for you it may be different. But I know that whatever journey God has you on it will continually lead you into lonely and empty places. Why? Because God is inviting you to know Him… to be filled with Him to overflowing. If you are truly seeking Him… He is calling you deeper and deeper into the wilderness… up the mountain… into the darkness… to find Him.

Each time God has changed my name He has killed me a little bit more… the man I was before dies and a new one is born. And I see now there was no others way… for God to teach me what He wanted to teach me. And there are two more name changes coming… I dread them with all that is within me… because they are two more deaths I must experience.

The people that know me cling to me… but they cling to a dead man. I have moments to give those I meet on this earth. This is what God has decided my life should be like. I am still wrestling with that and trying to come to grips with it. But it is the truth. Remember what John the Baptist said:

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” – John‬ ‭3‬:‭‬‬30

I sit now in a recliner in an apartment of a city in nowhere USA. Those who know me here know only Asher… and they will only know him for moments. A time will come when my name will change again and I will go. I will have to leave them behind as I’ve left behind so many others on this journey. This is the cost of the calling on my life… and it is a high price I willingly pay to obey. I don’t have to understand it… just trust that God knows the whys.

God chose this desert road for my life. If you are my family or my friends then look at the life I’ve always lived. Consider that God has always been preparing me for this… since I was a boy. You may look at my life and see the destruction of my sinful choices that led me away from the family… but consider for a moment that God uses everything in His plans. He redeems everything in our lives and His sovereign purpose prevails.

When I was a boy I loved the song: “Make me a servant, humble and meek. Lord let me life up those who are weak. And may the prayer of my heart always be: Make me a servant, humble and meek.” He heard that cry of my heart… though I can’t explain it all to you… but I see it from His perspective now. His plan all along… it humbles me.

Consider something else for a moment… He hasn’t once commanded me to do anything on this journey. Always He has asked me to do this or that. It’s always been invitations to join Him on the steps of this journey. I find that amazing. Why ask me? Why not just command me? For some reason God has chosen to relate to me this way.

In every page of every book I’ve written in obedience to God you can hear one thing: God’s invitation to you to come travel the loneliness and narrow roads with Him. The cost is everything but the exchange is that we gain everything because we gain Him. He is the prize.

Are you lonely, empty? Do you need to be filled? Seek God and allow Him to fulfill you, fully fill you.

May the memory of me drive you to Him. Until that day we stand together on heaven’s ground and marvel at all that God did for us through Jesus.