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Part 72: Where All Journeys Grow

Chapter 4: Realities

V2.0 – 10/02/2025

I stretched out my hand searching for my extra pillow to pull close to me and my hand found wet grass. I threw open my eyes and the dew on them ran down the side of my face. I looked around and saw the tall trees of the clearing towering over me. I lay on the ground in the wet morning grass. My head rested on my damp backpack. The morning dew had drenched me from my hair to my shoes.

Reality crashed down on me.

I was homeless. I had no car. No family. No friends. I was far from where I had lived. I remembered the previous day. I had sold everything, rode in an Uber, been told a strange dream of ripples, been dropped off in the darkness near this clearing, and encountered the Dark One and his minions again. It all crashed over me like a wave on the shore and dragged me out into the deep.

I drowned in despair. What had I done? What would I do now?

I blinked against the morning light of the sun filtering through the trees. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around me against the chill morning air.  I closed my eyes and tried to order my thoughts.

I searched for my faith and found it waiting for me.

Jesus’ question from the day before echoed in my heart: “Are you willing to become unknown so that I can be known?”

Was I willing to become unknown so that He could become known? I was willing to sell everything and go wherever He sent me. Was that what He had meant by me being unknown? I wasn’t famous. I wasn’t really known. What did he mean?

I felt so alone. Waves of loneliness rose up in me. I felt that familiar pain swell in my heart. I wanted to talk to someone, to anyone, to ask my questions to someone physically and hear a voice with my ears. I hated myself for those longings. Somehow I felt they betrayed God, but they were there, nonetheless.

I sat up and opened my eyes. Time to face the day.

I was going to Meribah, wherever that was, whatever that was. I’d heard that name before somewhere. I tried to remember where.

I stood up and stretched. I brushed as much of the clinging dew off my shirt, clothes, hair, and backpack. Morning dew wasn’t something people normally had to contend with. I stood to my feet and picked up my backpack. I slung it across my shoulders and stretched. I had slept deep, a gift from God I knew. The sun shining down into the clearing warmed me and began to dry the dampness of the night off me.

I wanted coffee. I had no coffee.

I told myself I could survive without it.

I looked around at the clearing. The grass of the clearing glistened with dew in the bright morning sunlight that leaked down through the surrounding wall of trees. I had slept late into the morning.

“Where am I?” I asked aloud.

There was no answer.

I walked out of the clearing and through the trees to where the road ran by the forest. It was a typical two-lane country road. I looked both ways and saw nothing but trees lining the road. I saw a boulder that sat awkwardly next to one side of the road. It was flat on top with only a slight sloping to it. I walked to it, wiped it clean, and sat down.

“Now what?” I thought aloud.

I took stock of my life. My brain was still waking up. I stretched my arms again and swung them around in the air, willing my blood to circulate. I took my phone from my pocket and tapped the screen. It remained black. It was dead. Right. I put it back in my pocket.

Homeless and without a phone in 2025.

Perfect.

I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and allowed my spiritual senses to take over. I looked around with my spiritual eyes but saw nothing remarkable. My guardian angels stood close by as always. I saw the light from them. I gave them a slight nod and then listened with my spiritual ears.

All was quiet. The spiritual atmosphere of this place was peaceful.

“Father, here I am.” I prayed aloud, “What next? How do I get to Meribah? How do I find the mountain you want me to climb?”

I listened for a long time. The sun rose in the sky. The wind blew. No cars passed by on the road. I was very, very far from any town or city. It was then that I realized that this wasn’t a main road but must be some forgotten back road.

I let my awareness shift between the physical temporal world and the spiritual world around me. I watched the birds flying from tree to tree and listened to their singing. I saw a small turtle wander onto the other side of the road and then saunter back into the grass and out of sight.

“If people only knew serving God was this exciting.” I said aloud to myself.

I looked around for some shade but saw none. The sun was gaining altitude and with it the heat was rising. My clothes and backpack had dried now. I was grateful for that.

I heard a cracking sound coming from behind me. I turned to see a tree breaking at its base and leaning toward me. I jumped up and ran down the road away from it as it crashed down behind me.

“What?!” I said aloud in surprise.

A huge tree had almost fallen on me.

I caught my breath and walked slowly back toward the fallen tree. It had fallen right next to where I had been seated on the boulder. It rested now only slightly in one lane of the road leaving the far lane clear. As I walked closer I saw that the tree’s branches and leaves now cast their shadows over the boulder.

“Sit.” I heard the Holy Spirit whisper.

I sat back down on the boulder which was now shaded by the tree.

“Did you really just topple a tree to provide me shade?” I asked aloud with a laugh.

“Yes.” The Holy Spirit responded, and I heard the mirth in His voice.

“Thank you.” I said.

This was my reality now. How strange was that. Homeless, yes, but the reality was that I was far from alone. God was with me. He was watching over me. What did I have to fear?

“I am hungry, and I am thirsty as well.” I told God and then listened.

No response. I heard the birds singing in the distance. The wind blew through the fallen tree and set its branches to swaying above me.

I put a hand to my belly and said softly, “You’ll have to wait.”

So… I sat there on the boulder in the shade of the fallen tree and waited.

I prayed.

I worshiped.

I thought about my strange life. My mind traced the path that had led me here. The cost of obedience to God was everything. I realized I had paid that price and whatever came next would be whatever God wanted from my life.

The sun sank down the horizon and I wondered if I would have to spend another night on the ground only to wake covered again in the dew of the next morning. My emotions were everywhere. One moment I felt happy and content, then the next I was bored and anxious.

I marveled at how entitled I was.

I hated my selfish thoughts.

I should be home. Couldn’t I serve God from the comfort of my own home? Couldn’t I have reached Meribah with my own car and GPS? Why this way? Why was God’s way always so confusing?

I pouted a bit, and I grumbled… just a bit… to myself. I was really thirsty, and my head was starting to hurt. I was craving both coffee and sugar.

“Across the road.” The Holy Spirit whispered, breaking in to my thoughts.

“Across the road?” I asked looking across the road from where I sat. I saw nothing extraordinary there.

“Yes.” The Holy Spirit answered kindly.

“I’m sorry.” I said aloud asking forgiveness for being so self-absorbed for so long.

I stood up and leaving my backpack on the flat boulder walked up to the road and crossed it, sure to look both ways. When I reached the other side of the road I saw something shining in the late afternoon sunlight. It was a clear bottle. I walked to it and picked it up. It was a full bottle of water, and it was still sealed. I opened it and took a cautious drink. It was warm but tasted so good. I took another drink as I crossed the road again and sat back down on the boulder. I put the bottle of water into my backpack and sat back down.

I felt stupid for complaining.

“Thank you.” I told God, “Forgive me.”

I felt His acknowledgment, but He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll wait patiently now.” I told Him. I sensed His approval of my resolution.

God would provide whatever I needed. I knew that but how quickly I tended to forget it. I marveled at how much I had experienced of God’s provision and yet still fell to my selfishness so often.

I steeled myself and waited.

I watched the birds. I listened to their songs. I breathed in and out. I looked at the branches of the fallen tree. I saw how many shades of browns and greens were in the trunk, branches, and leaves of the tree. God created all this. It was all so amazing. I ran my hand along the smooth surface of the boulder I sat on. I loved the way the cool stone surface felt touching my skin. I bent over and looked at the moss that covered the lower part of the stone. I saw a ladybug climbing around in the moss. The world around me was so alive.

I took another deep breath and let the clean crisp evening air fill my lungs.

I had never felt more out of control of my life and yet never more cared for. I felt like a child suddenly. I waited for my Father to provide what I needed and to guide me where I should go. I wondered how many people had ever experienced such a feeling before. I kicked my legs like a child would, enjoying the feeling of them going up and down. Our modern world stole so much from us.

I thought of all my visions of heaven and realized I had never seen any technology there. I filed that away for later consideration. My stomach growled loudly, and I let it. God would provide food when it was time for that.

I was on the way to Meribah. God would take me there in His timing. So much of my life I’d spent making things happen or trying to make things happen. It was strange but also wonderful to be so out of control. No, not out of control, but trusting God to provide for me.

I closed my eyes and spent some time just praising God for everything. I praised Him for my life. I praised Him for my talents and gifts. I praised Him for the tree and the water, the Uber and this adventure. I thanked Him for everything I could think of to thank Him for.

The sun began to sink down the horizon and the sky burst into shades of orange and pink. I praised God for the setting sun and the beautiful scenery around me. I shifted my backpack on the stone, fluffing it like a pillow, then I leaned over and laid my head on it. I shifted myself till I was as comfortable as I could be.

My eyes felt heavy, and I felt pleasantly sleepy.

The world around me sank into darkness and the night awoke.

I listened to the sounds of the coming night. I imagined the daytime animals heading to bed and the nighttime animals awakening. I watched as the stars came out above me. I hovered between sleep and wakefulness.

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