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Part 72: Where All Journeys Grow

Chapter 13: Confrontations

V2.0 – 10/06/2025

I awoke to the dim light of the streetlamps outside filtering past the curtains that draped the windows of the hotel room. I lay still listening to the sounds of the hotel around me. Everything was quiet. I glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. It read 4:02am in its distinctly digital red glow.

My grief and anger flooded me again. An entire family had died trying to help me get somewhere. I couldn’t process that. How could I? They had been so kind to me. I saw each of their faces laughing as they tried to communicate with me in broken English. Tears stung my eyes and rolled sideways down my cheek and over my ear. I reached up and brushed them away.

“Why are you here?” I heard the Dark One’s voice singing in the room, “Why are you here?”

I sat up and looked around. I saw nothing in the physical world, so I shifted my awareness to the spiritual realm. The Dark One leaned against the far wall looking at me with his golden eyes. His white robe gleamed dimly in the darkness of the room. His black wings were folded back on his back like some old mattress thrown on the wall. On both sides of him, two of his minions crouched next to him. One of them watched me with hatred in his gleaming black eyes, the other held his sword unsheathed and was mockingly examining the dark red blood stain on it. I knew it was Kris’s blood.

The Dark One pushed himself off the wall with his wings and stepped toward me. His minions backed away from him. He lifted a finger to point it at me and sang again, “Why are you here?”

I just watched him as he approached the bed. I didn’t respond.

He stopped a step away from the foot of the bed and snapped a finger. His minion that held the sword rushed over to present it to his master. The Dark One took the sword in his hand and considered the blood on its tip, then looked back at me.

“It seems you are always causing the deaths of others.” He accused me, “It’s your fault they are dead. See this? Your fault.”

He held out the sword to me, its blood-stained tip only a foot from my face. I could smell the iron wafting from it in the air. I felt a rush of self-hatred and shame wash against me trying to find a foothold in me. I was angry and I had my questions, but I wouldn’t allow him to goad me.

“Your obedience to God cost you everything and now…” He paused to slide a long finger down the blade in his hand then whispered, “…it’s costing the lives of others. And… costing the lives of such… precious little ones.” The Dark One hissed at me, then asked in a low whisper, “Is this what you call ‘serving Him’? Is this how you ‘follow Christ’? Is this what you dreamed of when you said your eternal ‘Yes.’ to Him?”

I considered words to respond to him but just stayed silent. I wouldn’t be his plaything. I knew that I should resist him and so I did. I closed my eyes and whispered my prayer, “God, I submit myself to You.”

I felt peace flooding the room. I opened my eyes and the Dark One and his minions were gone. I sank back on the pillows and took a deep breath. His words rang in my ears fueling my questions, tempting my anger to grow.

The room slowly filled with light. I was suddenly aware of Jesus standing next to the bed looking down at me. I got out of bed and bowed before Him on the ground. If ever there was a moment in time to submit to Him, this was that time.

I felt Him considering me.

I felt His love washing over me.

I waited for Him to speak.

Finally, I dared to ask a question. “Why?” I whispered to the carpet under my face.

He considered me for a while longer.

I waited.

I sensed Him take a seat on the edge of the bed above me. I slowly rose to my knees and looked up at Him. His eyes blazed with fire. His robe shone brilliantly around Him.

He smiled at me and asked, “Would you take from them what I have given them? Would you take from them the glory they have gained from obeying me and dying for it? Do you think everyone who dies for Me dies by a sword or by a gun or by accident?”

The weight of His words crashed over me like cool water dousing my anger.

He continued, “Do you think that physical death is the only way my followers die for me? Have you and are you not still dying for me?”

His questions required no answer, so I remained silent.

Tears began to poured down my face as I realized how selfish I had been. Kris and his family had obeyed God. They had chosen to obey Him and in the process had given Him their lives. I thought about how they now lived in paradise with God. I wiped the tears from my face.

I bowed my face to the ground before Jesus once again. “Forgive me?” I asked.

He reached down and lifted me up to my feet. He patted the bed next Him and I sat down. He put a hand on my shoulder.

“Do you remember when I told you that your calling wasn’t about you?” He asked me.

I did and answered, “Yes.”

“I have called each of my followers to a different death. Some I call to give their lives up and others I call to live a continual death in this world. You I’ve called to the latter.” He explained.

I looked at Him and felt His words etching themselves onto my heart.

“You have already died.” Jesus said to me, then added, “The life you now live you live in Me.”

It was like a light had been switched on in the deepest parts of me. I suddenly understood things I had always struggled to grasp. The Word made sense. I slowly nodded.

“Why do you think I asked you to sell everything?” Jesus asked, then answered His own question, “I asked you to sell everything in this world so that you would die to this world and its things and truly be able to follow Me. In this world possessions are like chains that bind you from walking forward with Me. How can I take you to where I want to take you when you are chained to what you own?”

I listened and soaked in His words.

He smiled and squeezed my shoulder lovingly. He continued, “This journey you’ve been on and are now on is what I created you for. I told you that it is going to be long and I told you that it is going to be difficult. Do you remember the words my angel told you?”

I thought back to the overpass and the man who had spoken to me. I recited what I remembered him say to me, “The road you are traveling now is long, it is hard, and it is difficult. The sun is setting in the sky. You feel it. You’ll have enough to get to where you are going and to do what you will be asked to do.”

“Yes,” Jesus said, “I am always with you.”

“Why do you allow the Dark One to harass me?” I asked before I could stop myself.

He smiled at me again and replied, “Because I do. For now. He is for my glory as well.”

He stood up and walked across the room. He turned to look at me and smiled again. Then He vanished from my awareness. I sat alone on the side of the bed in the dimly lit hotel room.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I was dead, well not physically dead, but my life in this world had come to an end. Now I lived to serve God. I tried to allow these truths to sink as deep in me as possible. I let Jesus’ words echo within me. I still felt the grief for Kris’ family. I still felt like I didn’t understand everything that was happening to me. I still had so many questions. There were always so many unanswered questions.

“You never really have understood.” I whispered to myself.

There was nothing to do now but keep going. I knew that whatever God had planned for me on top of the mountain in that place He called Meribah would be good. His purposes were always good. Always.

I suddenly felt tired in a good way. I curled back up and pulled the covers over me. I didn’t have to check out of the hotel until 11am, so I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

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