Front Cover, Back Cover, And Spine Artwork:
Description: “The Third Witness Testament” is Part 11 of The Book Of Benjamin Kareth. This book is the continuation of Part 8: The Second Witness Testament of The Book Of Benjamin Kareth, it continues the life and journey of Benjamin Kareth. This book contains my continued experiences listening and obeying God. This book documents how God completed the first 10 parts of The Book Of Benjamin Kareth and beyond.
A Glimpse Inside:
Chapter 29: Struggling
February 27, 2020 – 8:53pm – Home, Oakland, California, USA:
This morning I was really struggling and still am. It’s the provision part of this path that makes me really struggle. I have $200 in my bank. I owe money to the IRS. I need to buy a plane ticket to Israel. I need a few more things before I begin traveling. I have debt to AT&T that I need to pay. I only spend money on food.
I only read Word or work on writing the 10 books. I go to work and come home. I’m lonely. God, “Where are you?”
I’m struggling with the same deep sins as two years ago. I want relief! I want to change! I’ve been walking as close to God as possible and yet I still fall! I want to be healed of these deep sins. I want freedom! I want to feel God’s presence all the time morning to night. But why? Why is it so slow this growth! Why is this so hard God!
This morning I just poured out my heart to Him and nothing I poured out did I like! Why God! What am I supposed to be looking forward to? What am I supposed to do every day? I feel so ungrateful. Like a spoiled child. Maybe I’m not understanding or getting what I’m supposed to understand or get about God. Is there a day that dawns when I finally feel like I’m standing on solid ground? I have so many doubts and so much unbelief in my heart and it just oozes out of my heart like black, sticky tar.
I woke this morning and was just like, “Are you sure I’m the one to write these books for you!” I can’t stay faithful a full day! My eyes wonder. I want comfort and warmth. I want food and safety. I want to love my life. And somewhere in all this God is trying to teach me something. So, I’m crying out, “What am I missing God? What lesson? What step of faith makes all this better!” I’m not going anywhere! I’m not running away! Where can I run to? Back to where I came from. That empty life. No. Onward!
You’re stuck with me God. You chose me so here I am, mess and all. You said I belong to you so here I am. Here is your mess. Do with me as you will. Do something for me! Tear out all this doubt and unbelief. Burn me with fire until I’m refined gold. I don’t want to be a wood vessel I want to be gold! I want to be what you want me to be, what you planned for me to be.
And then I just take a deep breath. So, I steel myself again… and keep walking forward. There is a desert waiting for me. And God said, “When you leave the desert, you’ll be a different person.” Maybe that different person is confident, and more secure in his faith. Maybe that person isn’t so ungrateful and full of complaining.
One thing I know… my life no longer belongs to me. That is clear. It belongs to God. So once again I tell myself to trust. I tell myself to obey. I command my soul to be still and wait on God to move.
Chapter 45: Alante
March 10th, 2020 – 8:05pm – Home, Oakland, CA, USA:
Today, I left newTree, the coffee shop where I worked, well technically I’m now on vacation… let me back up and fill you in…
It’s Tuesday evening. Yesterday was a normal Monday. As the day progressed it was clear that fears over the Coronavirus spreading around the world was changing daily life quickly. And I was hearing reports that the virus had been in San Francisco for many weeks now. My coworker, Alante, and I had many discussions about the virus as we worked alongside each other over these past weeks. But this week the reality of it was starting to change everything quickly.
Last week I gave Alante a proof copy of Part 1 and Part 2 of The
Book Of Benjamin Kareth as God directed me to do. She and I had had a few conversations about the books that God was having me write.
Today, Alante and I had a long discussion about God, and I got to share a bunch of my personal journey with her and encouraged her to read the books. This morning I had started feeling like my time at newTree was rapidly coming to an end. And by noon today I was certain God was leading me to leave my job there and spend time at home focused on the books. Somehow God worked and I was put on vacation. So, I am not fired, and I didn’t quit… but due to the lack of business because of the Coronavirus my employers were being forced to cut everyone’s hours. Me leaving, going on vacation, gave them more working hours to give everyone else. So, God worked out my smooth departure. I’m not sure what the next few weeks will bring… but I know that if God took me to newTree just for the conversations I had with Alante today it would have been worth the time and energy. God wastes nothing.
I know God has big plans for this young woman Alante. And I will keep her name before God. I don’t know what God has planned for her life, but I sense it’s big and purposeful.
–
Alante, be blessed my friend. Seek Truth and find Jesus. He will never leave you or forsake you. And yes, He will even give you oranges along the sides of the road. All my prayers for your life!
Till we meet again on that day in heaven… farewell!
Chapter 56: 1AM In An Empty Airport
1:00am – June 3rd, 2020 – Denver International Airport, Denver, Colorado, USA:
Sleep escapes me in this place. It’s completely bright and loud. I’m listening to music in my headphones which helps a bit. But still sleep comes only in hour increments. I didn’t eat yesterday. $1.28 in my bank account. Waiting on God.
Serving God’s call on my life is not at all what I imagined it would be. Listening and obeying has led me here. But God reminded me that He has prepared me for this moment. I was trained for this. He said, “Everything in your life has prepared you for what you’ll walk through next.” And I know that’s truth.
I cried myself to sleep at 8pm yesterday. Tears. Heavy tears. Not sobs. No. Just heavy tears. Loads of pain in this walk. God is with me, but I am alone. I don’t have anyone to call and vent to, to draw strength from, only God. I don’t have anyone to validate God’s call on my life. No one to tell me to keep going, keep believing. Just God’s voice to listen to, just His promises to believe.
I haven’t showered in three days. I’m hungry. I’m uncomfortable. But all this I must just give to God as an offering. Here is my life Lord, use it how you want to use it. Timing. My timing is not God’s timing. And this journey He has me on requires timing and patience. And I’m not very good at waiting.
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