My sister, Blessing Ball, so graciously contributed the artwork for both the front cover and back cover of this book. It looks amazing! Thank you sis! She and her family are currently on a missions journey to Spain, check out her blog here:

Flint Outreach

Front Cover, Back Cover, And Spine Artwork:

Description: “The Fifth Witness Testament” is Part 17 of The Book Of Benjamin Kareth. This book is a continuation of the journey of Benjamin Kareth as he travels with God through this wonderful life God has given him. It begins in 2021 and continues through 2022 in Redding, CA. Discover the ups and downs, community, and solitude… all on the journey deeper into God’s heart.

A Glimpse Inside:

Chapter 4: Exhaustion

July 16th, 2021, 10:29pm – My House, Redding, CA, USA:

I’m exhausted. Burnt out. Tired. Done. I don’t want to write… don’t care really… but here I am writing.

God is on the throne. He is in control. I bow to that… and head to sleep.

Lord have your way in me. 

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Chapter 19: Lost

January 22nd, 2021, 8:28pm – My House, Redding, CA, USA:

I feel more lost than ever before. Despair seems to crouch at every doorway. Every way out. I can see none. All my thoughts roll round and round. Slowly slipping beneath the waves. Of knowledge. Of thoughts. Of distant cries. The world is in pain, bleeding and dying and I feel it. A thousand sighs of pain and anguish. I drown in it. It would be enough to feel one but thousands who can stand. Time before, time now, and time to come. Let these voices stop, before I go mad. My sight far and wide and no peace, no peace, no peace. I shake all over. I stumble in the dark… groping for stable ground. My heart hurts at what’s come and gone and what is soon to come.

You’ve come all this way with me. For me to fail… but how can I fail at breathing? What am I failing at? Failing Him? Maybe so…

What do I expect of self? More than I can give. What does He expect of me? More than I can give. I have nothing left. Nothing inside. People keep looking for that thing that used to be there. It isn’t anymore and I can’t find it. I am reaching out in the dark for the something that was there, and I can’t find it. I can’t find it. I can’t find Him. Where have you gone? Away from my soul? Or did I run away?

I’m crushed and down. Humbled and crushed under this weight that won’t let go.

Who can know a Holy God and not die? His brilliant light? Who can stand it?

Blood on my hands everyday… all day. My will is raising up its defiant head. Doing and going and saying my own way. Crushed.

I wanted to give you something. But all I have is broken. I wanted to give you something but all I have is broken. I wanted to lay something at your feet… something that would… I wanted to serve you… a servant… but my oil is dry. My worship is tired. My heart is broken. Crushed. If I could scream, I would. If I could cry, I would. If I could die, I would.

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Chapter 46: A Returning

March 14th, 2022, 7:54am – My House, Redding, CA, USA:

I need to return to the closet… to the secret place where the Lord dwells. I stepped out into community and got slammed with all the weight of people living lives. What a world that is?! And I got pulled in and down. In the muck and mire of others.

Last Sunday God woke me and spoke to me about Spiritual Authority and for me to consider all the spiritual authorities that I had unwittingly placed myself under. So, I stepped back from everything… back into the secret place. Back into the quiet of the shelter of His wings… back into the center of His love. There is a place for people in our lives… but I haven’t figured out that yet. There is a place where we must walk among others… but that cannot ever replace or override our relationship with God. It’s idolatry otherwise. People become idols. Meetings and services become social gatherings of lonely fools. Sure, there is grace. Sure, people need love. But how great is the cost if we trade our relationship with God for community?

Lord help me understand. Help me find the balance. Help me always fall on the side of relationship with you… over anything else in my life. I can’t live without you Lord. You are my One Thing. You are the thing I long for. The thing I ache for.

God is returning me to the wide-open spaces of my deep and secret relationship with Him… by withdrawing me from all the groups and meetings and events He has reminded me of what is of true importance once again… the secret place.

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Audio Book:

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Behind The Pages Video:

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Part 17 on Amazon.com

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