On January 9th I’ll return to deep Solitude. On that same day I’ll begin to write the next 7 books of the book series: The Book of Benjamin Kareth. As of tomorrow, I will have written and self-published 78 books of the 100 books of the book series. I am working today and tomorrow to send books 75-78 to Amazon for publishing… books 1-74 are now available on Amazon.com. Check them out here:
The Book Of Benjamin Kareth
Yesterday, I quietly released my video game into Milestone Early Access on Itch.IO with the hopes that sales from that will support me financially as I work towards completing this book series. Check that out here:
Day Of The Harvesters Early Access on Itch.IO
God continues to provide financially for me as I remain in my apartment here in Toledo, OH. Yesterday I had a funny moment… my bank, Chase, informed me that my bank balance was $0:
But God is faithful… I received a gift this morning that was enough to cover the few small bills I had today and to mostly cover my car insurance that will auto-draft today. Of course, rent and car payment etc loom shortly… but God will provide as always. God seems content to provide for me day-by-day… which is really working on the deep places of my heart.
Yesterday God spoke to me as I was walking from checking the laundry back into my living room… He began with “Have I not?…” followed by reminding me of something He had provided for me in my life… and He continued this for quite some time… so much so that I had to sit down to listen. It was a wonderful and gracious reminder to me that He is in control of my life, the life I’ve given completely to Him.
I want to encourage you, if you are struggling that’s OK. Life is difficult, and even more so for the faithful. Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble and trials, but those come that we might see the genuineness of our faith in Him and to bring Him glory through our endurance and steadfastness under such sufferings and trials.
So many did not watch my ministry update video… when I sat and recorded it specifically so that people could understand where I’m at now and where I’m going. Here it is again… I recommend watching it, perhaps God will speak to you through it today:
In this video I explain what I think God is doing in and through me heading toward the end of this journey. The book series is almost complete and with its ending so does this journey end for me. Only 22 books remain to be written. In a single year from February I will have written and published 99 books of the series… leading me to the final book…
What comes after that for me is completely in God’s hands. I cannot see beyond that moment when I write the last word, on the last page, of the last chapter, of the last book. All I know is that God has said repeatedly that I will “Rest.” What He means by that we shall all discover in just over two years.
On a more funny note… both my mice for my laptop and my desktop are dying… probably just warfare… but certainly a vital part of both my ministry and my work on the video game. If anyone feels led to provide just two simple mouses for me, send me an email or text or comment below. Thank you! With every penny coming in going to bills I haven’t found the funds to buys these vital components. I know God will provide… just have to be patient.
Today I am sending off the books to Amazon and working on a few videos explaining Early Access for my video game. If you’re intrested in any of those videos they will be on the game’s YouTube channel:
Day Of The Harvesters YouTube Channel
I recorded a funny video of me trying to make homemade bread for the first time in my life here:
I think that’s all for now.
If you’d like to send a gift to support me financially and keep this journey chugging along you can do so on Buy Me A Coffee:
Buy Me A Coffee
Thank you all again for all your support along this nearly 7 1/2 year journey God has been taking me on since He pulled me out of the life I was living for myself.
The other day He took me back to the testimony I had written in the very first book… I’m going to share that here…
It was an interesting read… how much I’ve changed as a man since these… how much God has transformed me from the inside out… and it still has so much more to do.
The testimony below is a truthful (graphic) so reader discretion is advised).
This was written 7 years ago just about… it’s the telling of my life story:
Benjamin Potexana Kareth
November 9TH, 2018 –
It’s time for me to share my story with you… my whole story. Somehow, you’ve found your way to this blog, you may know me well, you may have dated me, you may have been my best friend, you may be my family, you may have only met me in passing, or you may not know me at all, none the less you are here… reading this.
What you are about to learn is my life story, my autobiography if you will. This will be the most complete account of how I see my life. From the start till now, year by year I am going to lay myself out on the altar. An offering to God, so that you can see who I am, where I came from, and where God is taking me. I am a real person… I am no one special… I’ve been through pain, and I’ve had laughs. I’ve traveled the world and I’ve lived simple years.
My prayer as I begin to unveil my life to you is that God would open your eyes to see His child… to see His hand on my life… from day one till now… God has a plan for my life. He has a plan for yours as well.
I will warn you… my life has been far from perfect. My life has been stained with sin and darkness, but I have been redeemed and set free. When God told me to write this out for you, I said, “No.” I have so much fear in exposing my life to you… I’d love to just tell you the pretty parts… share with you my victories… make myself look good… but that would defeat the point of this. The point of this complete telling is transparency.
The point is, if God can forgive and heal me, then imagine what God can do with and for you. If God can break into my world and take my hand and walk me out of darkness and pain, imagine what He can and will do for you too. I wrestled and wrestled with God over writing this… but I understand why He wants me to do this. It’s to show you His Father’s Heart. I have a personal relationship with my God. I talk to Him and He talks to me. I trust Him and He provides for my every need. He gives me peace in the storm and strength to do what He wants me to do.
So, before you, I lay down my life. Come into my house and see beyond the outside. Welcome to my heart… my mind… and my spirit. I’m going to open my closets for you to see my skeletons, it’s going to be a rough telling… so brace yourself… when you are done reading this, you will know me… Benjamin Potéxaná Kareth.
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I was born in Dallas, TX in 1982. There is a story told by my parents about my birth that I’ll share with you. My mom had a cesarean with me. During the delivery, as the doctor reached in and pulled me out, I slipped and fell back inside. The joke is that I took one look around and decided I didn’t want to be born and went back in.
The first four years of my life my family lived in Dallas. I don’t remember those years… but there is another story my parents told everyone about me during this time of my life… the butterfly story.
The story goes… one evening my parents were having a swim in a pool. My mom was sitting on the edge of the pool and my dad was in the water. I was seated next to my mom, my little legs hanging over and in the water. A butterfly flew by and landed in the water next to my dad. My dad quickly sprang into action to save the butterfly, scooped it out of the water and placed it next to me on the edge of the pool. My parents were so excited about trying to save it. And as the butterfly dried a bit and began to regain its composure… my parents both tried to get my attention to the butterfly. “Look, a butterfly!” They both recounted saying. I looked at mom, a look at dad, and then looked down at the butterfly… I then squished it with my tiny hand. I’ve decided after hearing this story told repeatedly that I was trying to save my frantic parents from a flying monster, rather than assume I had an ill will toward the butterfly. My parents find it amusing to tell people this, I’m still not sure why but you know parents will be parents.
I don’t have many memories until around age six, but I’ve seen home videos of myself. I was an imaginative kid, playful and always in my own world. One home video stands out to me. In the scene my three siblings that were born at the time are playing on a playground, and I am nowhere in sight. My dad commented on where I might be and paned the camera to find me. I’m off a short distance from the playground, stick in hand, sword fighting with a tree. In the video my dad calls to me, but I’m too engrossed in my sword fight to acknowledge him. I can only assume that the rest of my childhood was like this.
When I was four years old my parents felt a strong calling to become missionaries. They had both come to know Jesus as their saviors around the time they got married, four years before my birth. At this time, they had 4 small children, my older brother, my younger brother, and my younger sister. My younger sister was a baby at this time. My parents listened to God and felt they were being called to go to China and teach English as a second language in a University there. So, at four years old I was swept off on an adventure to China and this began a theme that held sway over my whole childhood and teen years. My family would spend a few months in the USA and then spend months and years overseas. The locations varied greatly, and I would spend my childhood travelling the globe, to such places as: Chine, India, All over Central America, Nepal, and the list goes on and on. I learned Spanish as my second language in Costa Rica when I was around seven years old.
Sharing the gospel was the background of my childhood. Travelling all over the world. Encountering different cultures and peoples. Never being in one place for too long. This would create a longing for a stable home in my life and a bitterness as I never felt grounded or normal like other kids I would meet during my time in the USA. I was homeschooled as well, which taught me to teach myself, but also separated me from a steady social structure. I made friends fast and said goodbye to them faster. There are many arguments for many things I am going to lay out for you, but that is not the point of this writing. I am telling you the facts of my life. So, the basic facts: I was homeschooled, I travelled the world, and I encountered God and the gospel from an early age.
I went to college at 16. So, from 4 to 16 years of age I spent half the time in the USA and half the time in faraway countries.
Somewhere along my childhood I had encounters with God and I came to believe in Him. I’ve heard His voice since I was very young. I’ve had a close relationship with Him all my life. A real, active relationship. I shared my faith with people as a kid and teen. And all this is the shining parts of my childhood… the parts I am so grateful for.
Now is the time to share the dark parts of my life… it’ll be better than reality TV and much darker. So, if you’re sensitive to subject matter, now would be a good time to stop reading. But I assume your life has had dark moments you hide from the world and hope no one ever finds out about. I can tell you now that God wants to walk right into the pain of your past and heal you. God wants to show you His power over your pain and God has freedom from the chains of your past… so let’s dive right in. If you didn’t know me before, let me open my closets and show you, my skeletons.
When I was a young boy, my father struggled with anger. I was a lot like him as I grew up. He didn’t like this and wanted me to not turn out like him… so he yelled at me for everything I did. I could not do right in his eyes. I longed for my father to love me and be proud of me… and I couldn’t figure out what to do to make him happy. So, I grew up longing for a father. My mother was consumed with the ministry. This forced me to grow up fast and care for my younger siblings. As we traveled the globe, preaching Jesus to strangers, I watched my family struggle under the weight of that… and I did all I could to protect and care for my siblings. At 4 years old, I was tormented and psychologically scarred by a pair of older kids while we were in China. At 6 years old, I was sexually molested by an older boy… I had no clue what was going on and when faced with this by my parents, I was met only with condemnation, no love, and sent to my room. I was sexually molested by adult men numerous other times during ages 8 thru 13. At 13, I was raped by a janitor of a church where my parents were holding a missions’ conference in Los Angeles, CA.
From 10 to about 13 years old, I had a great relationship with my father; we were like best friends. But at age 13 something happened that changed everything. I don’t remember the exact event, but I remember the two results. My father cut off our relationship. I didn’t exist to him. And my mother told me this: “I prayed that if you were going to be gay that God would take your life… but God rebuked me and told me, “What if he walks away from me for twenty years and then comes back and serves me?” All my 13 years old mind heard was that my mother wished I was dead, and for what? For something that hadn’t even happened yet. My parents died to me at 13.
Ages 13 to 16 were a combination of things for me. I dated girls. I was attracted to guys. I cried out to God to change me. The war in me was so intense… a war I was losing.
At 16 years old I went off to college. I spent a year at Oral Roberts University. Then decided to attend Full Sail in Orlando, FL. This would be the place my future would change forever. At 17, I told God that I was no longer going to ask him to change me. I was tired of fighting with myself and tired of asking him to change me. I told God that if I continued to ask Him to change me and He continued to not answer I would walk away from Him and never believe in Him again. So, I stopped fighting myself. At 17, I came out as gay to my parents and my friends. I stepped into a new world. And I thought I had finally found peace… found who I really was meant to be. Gay.
I spent the next 20 years going from relationship to relationship struggling to find my place. Man to man. Always thinking that I could somehow find peace. I thought if I tried hard enough to make my partners happy, I’d be happy. I was horribly broken inside and piling pain upon pain. My family rejected my lifestyle, and my shame pushed me further from them. I had countless female friends… but I just used them as relationship placeholders until I found my next relationship. Women were nothing to me… in a lot of ways I despised them. I spent twenty years sleeping with everyone. Sex became nothing to me. It was like drinking water, never satisfied, I’d go to the next cup. I was ravenous. The pain from my childhood, my anger at what had been done to me, and how my parents had treated me… all these turned my heart to stone. I numbed it all with alcohol. Never did any hard drugs, sex was my addiction. I was on a never-ending quest to get my “number” as high as I could. I used people.
I never stopped crying out to God. In the darkest times I’d cry out for help… and He would help. I knew I needed a change, something to take the pain away.
Four months ago, on July 10th, I hit rock bottom. On vacation with my partner and our dog, we got very drunk, and I don’t remember most of the night, but it was the worst of my life. I awoke the next morning around 5:30am… and God said, “It’s finished.” And God picked me up off the pavement of that parking lot and set me on this path of healing and victory. I am not the same man I was that day. I have given God my life. He has taken me down the path of serving Him and sharing His love with others. During this time, He has healed me… gone deep and wrapped His love around my very broken heart.
I am not perfect, but I am being transformed. I daily see healings in my life. As I listen and obey my creator, He does the work I could never do. Step by step, day by day, I am becoming more like Jesus. It’s a painful journey… but I wouldn’t change a day of it.
God has healed a lot of the wounds between me and my parents. God has healed a lot of my sexual brokenness. God has set me free from chains that have long held power over me. God has poured His love over my broken heart and healed it. And He has used me to bring healing to others. My relationship with God is growing everyday… and I will spend the rest of my life sharing that relationship with anyone who will listen to my story. God is my savior and my Father. His love is the best love.
I do not care about religion. I do not care about rules or regulations. So do not argue these things with me. Jesus came and died for us to set us free from the law. Meaning Jesus came to give us life and to allow us the freedom to have a real, living relationship with Him. I do not want to do the same things I did before because I love Him. I want to be who He created me to be.
I am a Christian only in the sense that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. My living savior. Someone accused me of turning God into an experience. Well, yes. A relationship is an experience. When I “experience” God’s love it changes me. Why else would I be a Christian? Who would want to spend your whole life following a list of rules? I am a Christian because I have a relationship with God. I walk and talk to Him and He leads me in the paths I should travel. My way doesn’t work and doesn’t bring peace. His way does.
I understand the word SIN as anything that is not done in faith in God. The only good in me is Jesus living in me. I surrender what I want because I love him. I lived 20 years of my life seeking my own pleasures. My own safety and security, but how quickly those things failed me… over and over. Living for God I have found unending peace and safety. And He is waiting for you to come to Him, accept His gift of eternal life, and He is waiting to heal your pain and give you purpose in life this world cannot offer. You have a choice… free will. Make your own decision about Him. I’ve made mine… and my God won’t let me down.
TBOBK Ministries - Benjamin Potexana Kareth 
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