October 26th, 2022 – 7:41pm – Hostel In German Colony, Haifa, Israel:

Tears are streaming down my face as I write this… how impossibly difficult this all is…

What do we have when we wake in the morning?… take our first conscious breath each day… what do we really have that we can give God or anyone around us?… not much…

I am so exhausted… so worn down and so tired… I am weary to the bone…

Chosen. Right?

Today as I walked through the campus after my class… I was talking with God… “Why me? Isn’t there many other people you could have chosen for this?”… His response… “Yes, but I chose you out of them all. I chose you.” The overwhelming love in His voice like He was sharing a deep secret with me. My heart broke…

Many of you know me… some may not… I am such a broken man… so flawed… so… broken. But somehow… somehow He sees something in me I don’t see. He sees my heart of hearts… He sees that deep place in me… that well inside me… that’s just waiting to break forth.

But I am still hidden… walking among those I am called to touch… talking to those who are marked for salvation… I asked Him when… when? “Not yet.”

“Prophets are the conduits of My promises on the earth.” So He said to me today…

I don’t imagine you return to read this day after day to read about a hero’s journey. No… you come to read about what He can do with someone like me… and in that is reflected your own journey. So I’m hidden even in my own story… so He can be seen. That’s why we have to give Him our lives… we die… and all that’s left points upward to Him. All the value and worth that’s in us has come only from Him. He is worthy and so we are made worthy. He justifies. He does the work… the deep work… He does it all… so that He gets all the glory…

Death… yeah… death… to self… to our living for ourselves.

Did you know that since I was born God has been guiding me through my life? Every single step of the way… He has been with me. In all my wondering days… my lost days… my rebellious days… He has not once left my side. He has provided for me my whole life. He has protected me and blessed me. He has been always with me.

So maybe, just maybe… that’s my witness. He is. He can be seen in my life at work in power… through this broken jar… His light pours out into the world.

And you know… it’s the moments you may have seen… may not… the ones of you I know… there have been individual moments where God used me to touch your life. Do you let Him use you that way? To meet others where they are and to love them? To see them. To hear them. To sit for a moment and hear their heart break. To give of your things and your time and your life till you have nothing remaining?

“Go. I have made you to Go.” He told me. And yes, it is true… right? I was made to Go! And so here I am… I went and now here I am here. I goed. (This one is for you Jan hehe).

And maybe I should sleep now… so tired.. so worn out from the journey. I need an angel to make me some bread and let me nap. 🙂

Last class of this first week tomorrow… then I’ll be able to rest over the weekend.

Until next time… thanks for all the gifts. I know they please the Lord.