What is normal?

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be “Normal”. I wanted to “fit in” and “belong”. I did not know who I was or who I was meant to be. I knew God and I heard His voice, but He was unseen and felt distant compared with life as I grew up. Pain and trauma defined my childhood, early adulthood, and bled into my early adult years. I was certainly lost in this world searching for where I belonged…

Six years ago… God broke in. He said, “This is finished. Now you are going to listen and obey.”

And everything and nothing changed.

What has changed in me in six years? I ask myself this question often… too often. I wonder what the experience is of other believers in their walks with God on this earth. I look out my window and wonder… what are the “normal” ones experiencing out there.

I went hiking the other day. It was early in the day and it was a beautiful day. The trail was around a mile or so into a deep canyon. I walked and listened to God talk… It was a busy trail with so many families with children or couples walking it. So many of them asked me to take this family photos and I did graciously. If only they had know the pain of the loneliness that this caused me. These “normal” people with their families going about family things…

I asked God… can I be “normal” and “belong” somewhere? I could feel that God knew and felt the pain I was feeling. He reminded me that Jesus came to earth and walked among us. He was alone. “Wait a second…”, you might say,… “Jesus was surrounded by people his entire earthly life.” True… He had people around… But if you read carefully… the people surrounding Him did not know Him… and at most of the pivotal moments of His ministry He found Himself alone. In the wilderness… all those times He went away to be alone with His Father… the garden… the cross…

God reminded me that Jesus experienced the suffering of loneliness because of what He was called to do.

I would like to give some happy updated…

Some joy-filled praise report…

Some encouraging word…

But I have none of these. I have loneliness and tears to offer you.

God asked me to leave behind my family and my friends and go to a place He would show me to finish the work He has given me to do…

I obeyed…

I am suffering…

Some days the loneliness is too much to bare…

But God… has been, is, and will always be faithful… always faithful…

Today, God encouraged me onward…

So, if you are serving God and feeling forgotten or lonely… remember that Jesus suffered and you’re sharing that suffering being obedient to what God has called you to do. It will all be worth it in the end… God sees every tear and He keeps them all in a bottle. He is faithful to complete the work He began in you.

Some days it is enough just to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other knowing that you are right where God wants you to be.

I am reminded of a scripture:

“Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” – James 1:16-17

It may be hard for us to understand but suffering is a gift from God. It is a gift that refines our sin-damaged hearts. It is a gift that draws us closer to Him. It is a gift that lays up treasures in heaven. It is a gift that draws us closer to Jesus.

It is a bold statement, but one I believe more and more to be true:

“You cannot have sanctification without suffering.”